youwouldntdownloada | Kaisou Inbox

Of course.

This is important, and you're my friend.

okay

There was a long pause before her next message.

I guess I just

you know I still have family back in Japan in my own world right? It's been a really long time since I last saw them but

I don't want to feel like I'm replacing or giving up on them

Remember, a year ago, how much grief regarding just one person she had to get out? That was really just the tip of the iceberg.

[oh, dammit]

Ritsuka...

Why would letting yourself love other people be replacing or giving up on anyone?

We don't have an arbitrary limit for who we can love and how much. For who we can care for, and how much. To consider someone family isn't to replace someone else- how would siblings work otherwise, right?

...It's alright to feel afraid about that. That's normal, but it's not something to be limited by either.

And knowing you, I can't see any way you'd ever let yourself forget the ones you left behind in Japan.

You haven't let yourself forget anyone else after all.

[She may not have the whole story...but she knows that much.]

I don't know

Maybe it's just that they're not THERE

or here

you know what I mean

It's different when you get a younger sibling, or are just away for a little bit, or something, everyone else is still around?

but it's been

a long time

and I don't know when I'll be able to go home again

And what about when people lose family then?

Not just with death, but when they go missing. When people don't know if they'll see them again in their lifetime?

You're allowed to love others, and have that comfort of family, even while you wait.

I'd even say you need to have that. Would they want you to just be alone all this time?

Isn't that kind of different?

Either we'll fix everything and I'll finally see them again or

Or they'll fail, and almost certainly be too dead for it to matter anymore, Ritsuka included.

It just feels kind of weird I guess

More specifically, she had a lot of feelings of loss and homesickness she didn't know what to do with complicating the matter.

Edited 2024-10-22 03:25 (UTC)

Either they're there, or they aren't. Whether that's because of something big, or small, your heart doesn't care.

They're there, or not.

[Hm.]

Have you talked to anyone else about this?

There's definitely a bit of a delay before the next response. At least it probably meant she was thinking about it?

When I talked with Waver before and thought about it I figured he reminded me of the Doctor.

I still don't think that's wrong, but

If she saw Waver (and Diarmuid) as family, well, she might have to reevaluate how she looked to some other people as well. Most of whom were dead.

Which might go a long way toward explaining how strong her desire to protect those she cared about here was, but it was still a lot to think about.

Not really? Why?

...You didn't see the Doctor as someone like that as well?

[Oh dear. She's sensing a trend that she's really not equipped to deal with.]

Ritsuka...don't take this the wrong way but you need to talk to someone about these things.

Someone who's a professional. Waver actually helped me find a therapist after the summer, so we could probably reach out through that, but these things...you really need to talk to someone.

I never really thought about it?

There wasn't time to think about it.

A lot had been going on just then, after all. A mere highschooler thrown into that mess had more than a few things to be preoccupied with.

... Maybe, but

I don't know if there's anyone here who could help?

I mean, even Waver sometimes has a hard time believing stuff I talk to him about and he already knows a lot about things in our world...

[Yasuho is desperately trying not to let Paisley type 'of course there wasn't'. No, Paisley, not the time for sass.]

Ritsuka, 'help' doesn't have to be anything huge with therapy though. Also I doubt he has as hard a time believing things that I've accepted at face value... ...more likely, he's in shock that things keep falling on your shoulders like that.

...That's important to consider, actually. As a friend, there are plenty of times where I think 'how', but it isn't because I don't believe you. A good therapist would be the same- wouldn't you rather talk to someone who knows these things shouldn't have happened, that experiencing those things...that it would hurt, instead of someone who thinks the best solution is to just fight constantly and ignore feelings entirely?

[Went off a bit, she supposes.]

It's not healthy, to keep these things internalized. But you need to talk to someone who can help you get that out without causing even more problems too.

Yasuho was probably right about Waver, but sometimes feelings weren't all that rational. Especially if there's been hurt feelings involved, however minor.

I guess...

It wasn't the idea of talking about things itself that was hard, necessarily, it was the worry about not being believed.

I don't really know much about any of that, though.

As in, where to even begin with all this.

Well the good news is you don't have to know?

I can talk to my therapist...we can find someone available to take clients, and go from there. One step at a time.

There was a bit of a pause, as Ritsuka tried to get some of her thoughts in order.

isn't it kind of weird though? talking about stuff like that to someone you don't know

... It may take some time and reassurance to get her comfortable with the whole thing.

It can be. The important part is moving at a pace that's comfortable for you. Sometimes that means just talking about the things you would while deflecting- and that's alright! One of the important parts of working with a therapist is developing the level of trust you need before talking about anything serious after all.

That sounds like it could take a long time though?

If there were one thing she'd felt incredibly pressed for these past several years, it was always time.

What if it takes too long?

She said, as if she weren't already quite good at simply coping as needed. And as if she didn't already freely tell people a lot of what she considered more 'minor' things.

Don't think about the end of things. What matters here isn't actually the 'end'.

It's about the journey. It's about making steps, even small ones. If you've taken a few steps up a ladder, you've still made it up a ladder, even by a little.

And for another way of seeing it...brushing your teeth once a week would be better than never brushing at all right?

[Just putting it that way makes her mouth hurt.]

You think so?

I mean, I guess I really don't know much about it, anyway...

I just

I don't know if something like that would help?

But if you're sure...

Of course I'm sure.

And if you ever get worried about things while trying, I'll still be here too.

right...

Ritsuka was taking it seriously, at least? Even if it was clearly kind of a lot, for various reasons. But that said, one thing at a time, and first of all:

well for now though I need to find something for that dinner

Right. Yes.

We're agreed on it probably being...semi-formal, right?

Yeah, like something you'd wanna dress at least a little nice for?

... I mean I guess it doesn't matter for Waver he wears suits all the time but still.

Got it.

(Yeah...guys get a cheat pass on events like this...)

I have a few ideas...I can have Paisley send you some pictures for inspo?

Well that and he's just kinda stuffy like that you know?

Sure, sounds good.

Is it stuffy?

Great though!

...especially because I'm feeling really under the weather right now...ughhhhh

I mean Waver definitely is, you know how fussy he can get over stuff right? And he still wears a whole suit even when it's super hot out.

oh you think you're coming down with something??

I always thought it was the right amount of fuss, but I also can't really show that part of my interests as much anymore...

[Fashion is hard when you are a strange dragon deer, even if you do actually have the funds to support it. The shoes...The shoes....]

I'm not sure...my magic hasn't been as focused, it feels? But I don't think I'm sick...

I mean he's just fussy about stuff in general too tho

That and there was a vast difference between being fashion-conscious and wearing the same suit even when the weather was so hot you needed to use magecraft to stay cool.

Maybe some kind of curse or something?

ugh I hope not...

I'll have to ask someone at PokeGo, we have a pretty good medic at least...

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